Are Powerful Women Sexy?
CARMEN CHAN STYLE LAB: NEW POST EVERY WEDNESDAY
Written by CARMEN CHAN
When I was younger, I dreamt of being a fashion designer owning my brand or a strong and independent businesswoman in a suit with a great office. Slowly by time, this thought became a seed of belief and this seed grew into a subconscious that led me to the action of making it happen. It happened so fast that sometimes I couldn’t even catch up with and when I have time to sit down and look back, the journey still amazes me.
As a woman finding everyway of getting through, standing out, and making rain, I sometimes feel uneasy on the power. Without an attempt to make a complaint, it just reminds me of someone who once told me, “I have everything I ever wanted. But I have no one to share with me”. Behind all the glam in the fashion shows, the glow of wearing beautiful outfit, and the gesture of independence and success, what my friend said speaks louder and louder like a siren in my mind. I am unsure if I am the only woman in this intense and competitive business world thinking in this way. But when seeing women with no power, almost no career, or a great education but nowhere to use getting married one by one, it is almost a threat of not being part of this married circle. And to get into this circle, does that mean we need to give up what we can achieve just to get more of love?
According to the article I recently read, “Penis is the new Vagina”, it says, “The male herd has been thinned. Unemployed, moneyless, living with their parents…many of these men are, to single women, undateable. That makes the dateable ones infinitely more attractive. Thus they are waiting longer and longer to get married and have kids, enjoying the unfettered access to multiple women the landscape affords them.” If this is the case, from the small portion of “dateable” guys, I asked a question: Are powerful women sexy?
Guy no. 1: An old friend whom I thought having a traditional mind, currently staying in Singapore: “Powerful women make a better partnership”
“Definitely a yes. I do often like to be in charge and take control. But I think it is equally invigorating having a powerful woman by my side. I think generally a powerful woman would inspire me and is something I would admire. Definitely not threatened.”
“Then will you marry a powerful woman?”
“Yes, of course. I think marriage is a partnership. I'd definitely love to have a intelligent, confident, successful woman as my team mate.”
“So, can I say, a powerful woman makes the relationship more interesting and fruitful but then the power cannot be overbearing that takes the admire away?”
Guy no.2: An artistic friend who is a photographer and travels around the globe, currently staying in Hong Kong: “I like submissive girls”
“No. I like to be in control more than the girl. Personal preference: I like submissive girls.”
“Is that why men (or you) like to tie girls up in their fantasy?”
“Maybe it’s just me. I like it. Don’t know why.”
“You just realized?”
“Don’t even think about tying me up.”
Guy no.3: A sweet friend who works in finance industry, currently staying in Singapore: “Feeling needed is mutual”
“Yes. I found powerful women sexy. I prefer someone who has her own opinions, dreams and hobbies. But a man still wants to feel needed and at the same time be taken care of.”
“I guess that’s what every single one of us is looking for, right? The sense of being needed?”
“It's mutual. Like it would be nice if the girl bakes or cooks for you once in a while; and the guy carries heavy stuff and fixes the sink.”
“So, can I say, powerful women are sexy to you, as in the way that even with the power she had, she wants and needs you?”
“I think so.”
And last but not least, Guy no.4: A MBA-graduated marketer who gave me the best insights, currently staying in Hong Kong: “It is the confidence, not the power”
“I personally find powerful women a bit intimidating. To me, elegant women are sexier.”
“Elegance and powerfulness aren’t mutually exclusive, are they?”
“From a person’s perspective, no. From a moment’s perspective, yes. Meaning a woman can be both powerful and elegant, but they usually do not happen at the same moment for me. It’s like a being than a quantitative measurement.”
“So, in your opinion, how could a powerful woman find love?”
“She needs to find a guy which is really confident deep down, which can use his inner peace to balance the relationship. To me, powerful women at the end are looking for the right man to soften them, to calm their fear, ease their stress.
As a matter of fact, to me, power is sourced from fear - I call it ego confidence. The truly confident people are mild, humble and opened because they have the courage to accept everything in life and acknowledge they have fear. They do not need to control or make things they want them to be. Honestly this is like a saint, like Jesus, Ghandi or Dala Lama. It is about confidence, not power.”
The insights are not what I expected. Instead of getting a yes or no answer, I have a new thought: It is not the power that makes anyone sexy - it is the confidence. Power and confidence are two different concepts, though we often misinterpret or misuse. A confident person who doesn’t care about power has the actual power of making a difference. And when we define power, we often think about the power of taking charge; but ultimately, you don’t need power to take charge.
Ego-driven power makes no one sexy. It is only the inner confidence of being yourself, doing what you’re proud of, and accepting good and bad of people and the world that makes you… someone special. And women, when you have the inner confidence, do we still need a man to answer this question for you?
I post my column here and www.randomartzine.com and www.shopdescreateurs.wordpress.com every Wednesday. If you like what you see, make sure you give a LIKE at my page at www.facebook.com/carmenchanjewelry
Many love - CARMENX
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